This method might give you clarity and it definitely help you learn a thing or two about picking the right person.
Because this method does not have a name, I am going to name it the “CCM”, which stands for “Chemistry” & “Checklist Method.”
The reason why this is called the “Chemistry & Checklist Method” is because of its main components, chemistry, and the checklist. Now, I know you may be wondering “what do you mean by this?” Well, what I mean is that in order for a relationship to work in the long term, both people involved need to have a high degree of “chemistry” between each other and they have to fulfill each other’s checklist.
Chemistry is basically how compatible both of your personalities are. Essentially, it is how well do y’all get along and how much you attract each other leaving all physical aspects aside. For some of y’all this may be a bummer because I know that y’all most likely want to date at least a semi-attractive person. In reality, however, that is definitely not what you should be looking for (if that is you, I encourage you to explore more).
You should really be looking for someone who you can have a deep intellectual and sentimental connection with. So once you have a person in mind, you should try spending some time with him or her in order to find out if y’all really are compatible. But be careful, sometimes we tend to be biased to over gratify or like people who are physically attractive to us a little too much. Meaning, that if we see someone who we think is attractive and that person turns out to be pretty cool, we tend to like them even more than we should because we already have a bias to like them purely made out of our physical attraction towards them. This dilemma can often cloud people’s judgment, so if you are serious about being in a relationship with that person make sure you spend a lot of time with that individual.
See everything there is to see and once that is done, make a decision. Normally, if compatibility is high, a strong connection should be felt right away; or at least after some time of getting to know each other. You should look for someone that you can talk to without ever getting bored. You should look for someone that will make you laugh a lot, someone that you feel so comfortable with that it almost feels like he or she could be part of your family. I do not know how to explain it or further elaborate, but after spending some time together you’ll know right away if a person is right for you or not. If that person is the right one, dates and hangouts should go smoothly, naturally and without the need of forcing anything.
Now the second component of my theory is the checklist. This checklist is the set of characteristics you prefer on a person. Depending on your preferences you may have different preferences than mine. An example of this checklist would be checking if a person is kind, smart, religious, cultured, clean, friendly with others, outgoing with your friends, or goal-oriented. Again, these preferences vary depending on what you are looking for. It is fair to say, however, that you will most likely not find anybody that you have awesome chemistry with that also checks all the boxes from the checklist. Therefore, you should ideally look for a person that you have a lot of chemistry with that also checks a lot of the boxes from the checklist.
This does not mean that you should date anyone that has only one of the two components (chemistry/checklist) down. If you date a person who hits all your checkboxes, (so a person who maybe is attractive, charming, smart and wealthy) but you don’t have any chemistry with, your dates, talks, and hangouts will feel forced, awkward and just out of place. Please trust me when I say this, you definitely do not want that.
This works the same exact way the other way around because if you start dating a person you have a lot of chemistry with but essentially is a fuck up (or does not hit any of your boxes) it will most likely not work out in the long-run.
Therefore, now you know that whenever you’re seriously evaluating whether you want to date someone or not, you should give the “CCM” a try. I think this method can be of great use and I hope that if you test it out, it works out for you.