Continuous exhaustion of the self: karma by the well know romanian essayist Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
There are many moments of life … when we feel that karma really ruins our lives.
…. living the same boring experiences… on and on and on.
It all becomes so, so annoying … that we even hate that we are alive.
But … still … we don’t meditate.
We don’t want it.
And … somehow … i trend to believe that we ….are afraid of the real truth.
I try to have daily …. all sorts of reflections about the meaning of the ugliness from my own life.
I understand … it is all karmic to me.
I know that all those experiences are ruining me emotionally.
But … i don’t have the courage to make the correlations between what is happening to me … and the way i had acted on the stage of life.
No …
I am not doing it … believing i am an innocent soul … totally ignoring my past.
Like … i am suffering of amnesia.
Of course … i am same like the others.
I ignore my past … being surprised of the present moment.
…of all those karmic experiences from today.
So … i continue feeling the exhaustion of my soul.
Believing … there is no real cure.
I could analyse all … more.
… understanding the karmic way in how the Universe is talking to me.
Repeatedly …. whispering me important messages … which i just ignore.
So … the whole charade continues.
I almost … start to believe that i have no chance any more … of living a normal life.
I continue feeling … i am tortured by the Universe … cause i was sent in all sorts of karmic stories.
Maybe … i need to change my perceptions.
Stop … complaining.
Stop acting like a kid … crying and blaming … anyone and everything … for the way my life looks like.
I could start … disconnecting from all.
Smile … in from of everything is happening … treating all as illusory and accept that karma has only one real purpose … to teach me important lessons of life.
But … i can’t do it.
I just can’t.
So … i allow to be tortured again and again … and again.
… like an idiot.
Instead of meditating … I prefer to complain … and …
Well … my existence continues … and karma keeps exhausting my inner self.
And all is happening … cause i am still suffering of … spiritual blindness… making absolutely no change for my evolution.
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spiritual & philosophical essay” written by the writer Adrian Gabriel Dumitru for FREE.
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